?

Log in

Okay, so I've been depressed. More orr less because I reached a… - The Many Faces of Me
March 2005
 
 
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
 
 
Mon, Nov. 22nd, 2004 09:17 pm


Okay, so I've been depressed. More orr less because I reached a point where I just feel like life is slipping through my hands. Time keeps moving, whether or not I'm on the damn bus. I can't quite figure out, where exactly it was I got off the damn bus. I feel.. disconnected from my life. I feel in a lot of ways that it's empty routine. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Day in, day out. And... I just sort of freaked out. Because... I never thought life was going to be like this.

It's sort of a theme though. It's like.. when you're a virgin, you think that sex is going to be this life altering thing. Like it'll be explosions and hurricanes and fireworks. And then you do it and it's like 'Ah. Well, that was nice. /Really nice/, but, well, ... it was nice? It's just like.. not as big a thing as you think it will be. Least if you're me. That's what life has become. Sort of 'eh... I thought it'd be bigger somehow.' Here, is really, my problem. I crave excitement. I crave spontaneity. But I am, sadly, inherently lazy. Therefore I wish for things, but never really do them. Conveniently, I can blame this on Jay, pointing to the fact that he never wants to do anything. But really? Who's responsibility is it? Mine. I have it within my power to change. I can get my damn license. I can get a car. I could quit my job and live off my settlement money, comfortably, for at least a year. I could take that money and go to Europe. I could travel. I can do /anything/ I bloody well want, for under twenty-some odd thousand dollars.

Basically, I need to get off my ass and stop being shy and lazy.

To that purpose, I accepted an invitation to hang out with my coworkers, after work on Friday nights. I am going to start doing this weekly. My only concern is that they are smokers, and in that environment, I will have to exert some willpower not to join in. I just need to remind myself that I've already been there, done that. Been off cigarettes for almost three years, really don't need to go back. Besides, it's STINKY. And, all those health things.

Though it's tempting. Evilly so. I've already had a cigarette. I feel bad. Ah well. The trick is not doing it again. Damn the temptation of liquor and nicotine. DAMNIT.

The cats are doing better, though Kiff peed in our closet. I'm at a loss as to /why/ he's doing this. Really. I'll figure out something. Because this is NOT going to be stood for. There are products I'll pick up from work.

Hrm. What else?

Christmas!
I HAVE MONEY!
So... this means... PRESENTS! I get to buy people THINGS. HOORAY! Update wishlists people. I'm sending gifts from the great white north. At the very least, please, email me addresses, so I can send, at the very least, sickeningly cute animal themed holiday cards. You KNOW you want the card with the Three Wise Hamsters. You KNOW IT.

That's me.

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

3CommentReplyShare

dansa
Jenn
Mon, Nov. 22nd, 2004 11:45 pm (UTC)

*hugs*


ReplyThread
pelogrande
pelogrande
Roach
Tue, Nov. 23rd, 2004 04:41 am (UTC)

Big hug. I'm glad you're less depressed and looking towards the future. That's good!

Yeah, I'm not at my motivational and congratulatory best right now, but I'm sure you understand the sentiment. ;)


ReplyThread
condotierre
condotierre
La Condotierre
Tue, Nov. 23rd, 2004 05:58 am (UTC)

Those icons are cute as pie. I love 'em. :) And any time you need a hug or you want to scream, here's one half a shoulder. I'm so glad that you're trying new things though, I know how hard it is.

Guppy.


ReplyThread